Wednesday, January 20, 2016

How To Share Food Without Acting Like A Goddamn Animal

We live in a SOCIETY, for crying out loud.

Alice Mongkongllite / BuzzFeed Life

In the interest of saving relationships, here are some simple guidelines to follow when you’re sharing a meal with loved ones:

You need to at least pretend you want to get to know their meal before you start sending it dick pics. (“MY EYES ARE UP HERE!” —Their fried chicken platter.) Both parties know you’ve noticed it and you really want a taste, but the polite thing to do in this situation is feign innocence. Once they’ve had a few bites and shared their thoughts on how delicious it is, you should pretend that you’re just now seeing it for the first time. (“Oh, that old thing?” —You, barely looking at the fried chicken platter.) You both know this is a lie, but it’s a gracious lie, a lie that gives them a chance to offer you a bite. Which they may or may not do. This leads us to…

First. You have to ask first. Like before you help yourself.


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